14 Reasons to Love a Heat Wave

90-degree-thermometerby Seth Rogovoy

 

We are about to enter into a stretch of hazy, hot and humid weather with highs in the 90s and the heat index making it feel like 100 or more. But for shut-ins and lazyboneses like me, there is a silver lining to this hellish time of year. I’ve put together this list to help you maintain a positive outlook and think of all the reasons why we can look forward to this severe, life-threatening heat wave.

 

  1. You can turn on the air conditioning without guilt. If not for you, for the dogs or cats or – my favorite excuse – for the sake of the computers and other electronic devices.
  2. Have a headache? Blame it on the heat, high pressure, low pressure, humidity, dew point, whatever.
  3. Feeling a bit woozy or allergic? It’s the weather.
  4. The logical biological response to extreme heat and humidity is to be as inert as possible. So go ahead, lie around and do nothing. Or sleep – that’s something, and it’s good for you.
  5. You can’t really be expected to do anything or go anywhere in this kind of weather.
  6. You heard what they said – the air quality is potentially hazardous for anyone who is old, young, has breathing issues, etc. I had asthma 25 years ago – I would hate for it to return because I blithely went outside during a heat wave. And my mother and grandfather died for lack of breath. No thanks; I think I’ll stay home and breathe.
  7. What’s that you say? But you’re safe at home in air conditioning so you should be able to get your work done? Nuh-uh. You can’t possibly expect me to work in these jungle-like conditions. I mean, no matter what it’s like inside, I know what it’s like outside, and it’s horrible. That knowledge alone keeps me from getting anything done. Besides, I don’t want to contribute to overloading demand from the electrical grid through excessive web browsing and Facebooking.
  8. While a dirty house in hot weather is really gross, it’s really too hot for anyone to be expected to keep up with household chores. It’s so hot, in fact, that if I don’t take out the trash before 7am it will just have to wait until tomorrow. It’s too hot out there.
  9. Sorry dogs, we’re not going for an afternoon walk today. You’d hate it out there; it’s too hot. It’s for your own good.
  10. OK dogs, if you really want to go out, we can drive around for awhile in the car with the windows closed and the air-conditioning cranked. But no getting out to pee; do that before we get in the car.
  11. I’m sorry, what were you saying? I was checking the weather channel for an update. I’m sorry, what were you saying? I was checking the weather channel for an update. I’m sorry, what were you saying? I was checking the weather channel for an update. I’m sorry, what were you saying? I was checking the weather channel for an update. You get my drift.
  12. I wouldn’t recommend this if you share close quarters with other human beings or have an office job, but otherwise there’s no point in taking a shower because as soon as you get out you are going to start sweating again. Unless of course, your bathroom is air-conditioned like mine. (JK)
  13. You can’t be expected to drive anywhere because no matter how much coolant you use, it’s dangerous for car engines to be driven in this kind of heat and humidity. It’s also bad for your tires. (I hope you realize I’m making this up as I go along.)
  14. You can’t be expected to drive anywhere because that only contributes to global warming, which is why it’s so hot in the first place.

 

What are some of the reasons you love a heat wave?

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